Help! I Hate Small Talk
“TIP – Small talk is merely saying something about the here and now – mmm nice shoes! It doesn’t matter how seemingly bland or banal – make it easy.”
The other day, my client, Anmol, a respected senior techie guy at a global bank came on one of my regular IMPACT sessions and he confessed to me that he thought there was something wrong with him.
He knew he was super bright, technically brilliant at his job and sometimes would save the bank billions of dollars by designing ways to spot red flags before global breaches of security.
However, he also knew that in order to be invited to sit at the table with “the big players” (i.e., the senior management team - SMT) and be seen as a credible leader and peer, he had to learn some relationship building skills. Skills he confessed to me, that were way beyond him (so he thought).
He hadn’t ever really confronted his demons before…he thought he was a bit of a ‘freak’ because he didn’t really ‘do’ people and found ‘small talk’ impossible to navigate.
He avoided small talk at all costs and felt as if he was a total failure when it came to networking or schmoozing with important people. He would NEVER dare go to an actual in person ‘networking’ event in fear of failing to speak to people.
First if all I shared with him something that many people like him, need to know.
“You are not alone”
For example, I shared with Anmol that another client of mine, Joe, in a global professional services firm confessed to me that also he hated all talk and wouldn’t be seen dead at “one of those fake networking dinners.”
The problem was his line manager had made it his annual objective in his appraisal to ‘network’ and connect with new business contacts and his action point was to “arrange 30 coffees” as his quarterly target! LOL
When I ran a virtual masterclass for my e-publisher Bookboon recently called “How to Network, when you hate small talk”. Two hundred businesspeople tuned in from all over the world because they too felt like Joe and Anmol.
They too felt they didn’t know where to start a conversation, what to say, how to break the ice, how to break out of a boring chat or how to stop that fake feeling.
They shared hundreds of comments in the chat box! So, I created a word cloud out of them.
My advice?
Make life easy for you and the person you need to break the ice with and stick to the
HERE & NOW!
What does this mean? The one thing you know you have in common with the other person is the fact that you are both standing there, at that conference, coffee machine or corporate drinks event. You are sharing that very moment.
The coffee, the terrible speaker, the fire alarm, the torrential rain that soaked your shoes. WHATEVER is relevant at that moment in time is perfect for SMALL TALK!
Why do you think you meet people during the fire drill? Or smoker corner?
More expert advice…
I like to take the advice from the advertising veteran, Richard Hytner, former CEO of Saatchi and Saatchi.
His old colleagues and friends have told me many stories about his ability to give a good small talk.
“He’s the best networker in the business, he remembers everything”
He used to take his clients fishing or out for dinner and he would remember every single detail about their life, their interests, their kids, pets and partners’ lives.
He’d know what perfume they bought, Lego set they loved, cat food they preferred and toothpaste they squeezed. He’d know EVERYTHING about them. It was good for business; he was always secretly conducting market research!
He’d famously say… “Small talk to them is big talk to me”
LOL. SO, what can we learn from Richard? One piece of SMALL talk to you could be a GIANT step in your career.
All you need to do is learn to do it, love it and have fun with it. Listen, learn, enjoy the conversation and remember the details.
TIP – Be Generous!
Take an interest in the other person.
Ask questions, nod, smile and LISTEN to THEM. Remember the Dale Carnegie quote…
More tips? Get my famous & fun Friday tips email for free here!
You can also find more simple and brilliant networking tips in my ‘How to be a Conference Warrior” blog… watch out for the video in tip 2 – watch out for my good friend, fellow speaker and author Will Kintish who shares his wisdom…
Would you like more useful tips to help you communicate with confidence & boost your career?